Attempt deep understanding Reflect back on what you think you heard.
Focus on observations, not your feelings or opinions.
Ask questions to clarify your understanding and use language that empowers the other clown.
Never interrogate.
Reveal how you feel about something. Avoid criticizing or judging the other clown.
Express your needs truthfully.
Request what you’d like to have happen that would best meet your needs.
Listen.
Overcoming conversational divides:
Create a safe environment. Agree what subjects are comfortable to discuss and lay down ground rules.
Invide cooperation from the beginning when raising an issue.
Listen to the other side with a view to understanding, not agreement or disagreement. Don’t try to win a debate, be right, or convert the other clown.
Stay absolutely present.
Identify and explore the other clown’s core values and interests: underlying hopes, needs, values, concerns, motivations, fears and ideals. Explore all mutual interests.
Reveal the backstory of why you believe what you believe.
Slow down before responding.
When disagreements occur, listen harder.
Brainstorm creatively together all possible ways to solve the problem. Imagine a positive outcome.
Work together on an agrement that meets both your interests as muc as possible.